Dear son,

It’s 2:35 AM and I am wide awake.  The last time I was up this late I was 13 at a slumber party.  There was dancing, makeup and A LOT of Dr. Pepper.
Tonight there is none of that.

Apparently you are as feisty as your big sister. You tried to follow suit and arrive early.
I started having contractions this past weekend. You are not due for another 6 weeks. Yikes!

As excited as your dad and I are to meet you, we’d like you to “bake” a little longer. My doctor agrees. She put me on bed rest & meds to slow down my contractions.

While this is only my third day of bed rest, I’ve already decided I am not a fan. A little rest & relaxation is wonderful. I enjoy putting my feet up and taking a break throughout the week.  But being forced to sit all day long is not exactly relaxing. In fact, it’s almost tortuous. My obsession with keeping our home clean & tidy makes it very difficult to rest mentally. Not to mention there’s a very cute 16 month old who lives here and specializes in making messes. She doesn’t understand why mommy sits on the couch all day.

Dishes in the sink. Can’t do them.
Neala’s room needs to be vacuumed. Can’t do it.
Leftovers in the frig need to be thrown out. Nope. Can’t do that either.
Neala wants to play outside.  Sorry sis, you’ll just have to look out the window.

The cherry on top of this disappointing sundae is the medicine I’m taking. My Dr. told me it might make me feel jittery. Ok, I can do jittery.  I’m thinking a little hyper and ramped up.  Like when I drank a ton of Dr. Pepper at a sleepover when I was 13.

What she should have told me was right after I take it nausea will set in. My heart will start to race and I’ll feel like it’s going to pound right out of my chest. My body will feel as if it’s shaking from the inside out. My cheeks will become flushed and I will have a hot flash that lasts longer than a flash. When I get up to go to the bathroom my head will spin and my hands will tremble.
Jittery is hardly the word I would use.  More like I just smoked a crack pipe.  (FYI- I have never seen or used a crack pipe.  I have no intention of using one.  And if you even remotely think about using any illegal substance your father will have you locked up faster than you can say your abc’s.)

I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a little upset. There was a moment I wanted to throw my hands up to the heavens and ask God, “Why?”
“Didn’t I meet my quota for unpleasant things earlier this year?”

But it only lasted a moment.  I quickly reminded myself it could be much, much worse.

So instead, I choose thankfulness.
I choose to see the good in all this.
I choose joy. Even when it doesn’t choose me.

There is an African proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I’d like to modify it to say, “It takes a village to help a mama on bedrest.”
I could not do life right now without my village people.

Of course your dad has been extremely helpful, but he still has to go to work.  So during the day Mom, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Kimi & Morgan are helping me take care of Neala.  Ellie came over today and swept my floors, washed my dishes, and ran an errand for me. I am blessed to work with some fabulous teachers. They are tying up loose ends for me at school and helping my sub, who also happens to be amazing.

Many friends have called or texted to check on me, ask if I need anything, or just to tell me they’re praying. It fills my heart to the top knowing people care.

The bible says in Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.”

I choose to believe God is still in control.  If he sculpted you out of nothing, and made you bit by bit, then I have to believe He has already scheduled when you will arrive.  It may not exactly be the time I would choose, but that’s alright.
I choose to be grateful for the friends and family who love me and have helped us so much already.

What’s great about all this is, all these people don’t just love me.  They love you too.  My village people are your village people.  They haven’t even met you, yet they already love you to pieces.

So bedrest wouldn’t be my first choice.  But it’s my reality.  If I have to take a medicine that makes me feel like a crack addict, I will do it.  If I have to sit humbly on my couch all day and watch other people take care of my daughter and my home, I will.
Aunt Lisa said it best today, “It’s better to watch us take care of things here, than to watch nurses take care of your baby in the NICU.”

I’m hoping you “bake” a little longer.
I’m hoping when you are born you are healthy and whole and there are no complications.
I’m also hoping your father caves in for once in his life and lets me name you the name I like best.

A little hope never hurt anyone…   😉

My daddy had a 1950 Chevy.  It was black with grey, pin-striped interior.  Daddy loved that car.  I mean, looooved that car.

He called his best friend Ray one summer day and asked him for help. He said he needed to sell the Chevy.

“Why are you selling your Chevy? You love that car.”
Daddy responded, “Because Mistie needs braces.”

My parents worked hard to provide for my sisters and I.  Mom tells me there were times they barely paid the bills.  She tells stories of scraping by and trusting God to make ends meet.  I have no early childhood memories of this.  I cannot recall a time I felt hungry or cold or lacking. My memories are of slumber parties, feeding our baby bunnies, and riding bikes up and down the street.

They didn’t have the money to pay the orthodontist.  And they didn’t want to use a credit card and go into debt.  So my father did what he thought was best.  He sold his Chevy so they could pay for my braces.
That’s the kind of man my father was.

Kind. Selfless. Sacrificial.

This weekend is Easter.  Tomorrow girls will twirl around church in fancy dresses and little boys will tug at their ties. Everyone will post pictures of their children with Easter baskets, running through egg hunts, and eating ridiculous amounts of chocolate candy.

Neala, you will go to church in a pretty dress and you will go to an egg hunt.  (You will NOT eat ridiculous amounts of chocolate.  You will probably only eat one piece, if any.)
You are too young to understand now, but as you grow your father and I will teach you the real meaning of Easter.

We will explain how God loved us all enough to send His son to pay for our mistakes. You and your brother will learn how Jesus died on a cross and rose from the grave three days later. We will do our best to show you what it means to love, follow and serve God.

Hopefully, I can do this as well as my parents did.  Hopefully I can be kind, selfless, and sacrificial like my father.

I’ve already seen your father making sacrifices for you.  He gets up every morning with you (Neala) and lets me hit snooze for five fifteen more minutes. He gets your breakfast ready and starts to feed you before he eats.  He helps clean up the breakfast mess before he leaves for work, even though he leaves before I do. When he gets home at night, he immediately gets down on the floor and starts to play with you, even though he’s starving.
When it’s time for bed, he comes in your room with me and helps get you ready.  We turn off the lights and put on your jammies. He sings “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Twinkle Twinkle” 128 times with us while we sit in the rocker and he even does the motions. We kiss your sweet little face and lay you down.  When you look up at us from your crib with sleepy eyes, he always tells you how much he loves you.

He does this Every.Single.Day.
I love it and I am totally grateful.
One day, you will be too.

If one of you need braces when you’re older and we don’t have the money, I’d like to think I would sell your father’s Mustang to pay for them.  😉

It was years before I found out about my daddy selling his Chevy to pay for my braces. He never bragged about doing it, and he also never made me feel like I owed him something. I realized I had done nothing to earn his gift and there was nothing I could do to repay him.

It is the same with God.  We have done nothing to earn His love and we can do nothing to repay Him.  He is kind and sacrificial and will love us no matter what we do.

He will do this Every.Single.Day.
I love it and I am totally grateful.
One day, you will be too.

Hey kiddos,

This week was spring break.  A week students AND teachers look forward to every year because winter has been sooo long.  Even though we had 7 snow days this winter, it’s not the same.  You can’t exactly do much when it’s frigid outside.  When you are older and have indoor recess for weeks at a time, you will understand. You too will come to love and count down the days until spring break.

Your Aunt Amy & her kiddos came into town this week.  Though some of the days were still a little chilly, we were able to go outside a few times.  We all helped JoJo pick up fallen branches in her backyard.  Well…most of us helped.  Neala, you kept trying to climb up the slide by yourself.  Did I mention you aren’t quite big enough to do this, so you would get stuck and require assistance?
Every. Single. Time.
When you finally got to the top, you insisted on going down head first.
Every. Single. Time.
Did I mention you wanted to go down the slide 128 times?
You are independent and sassy and strong-willed.  I’m not sure where you get these qualities.  Daddy perhaps?  😉

As we were raking and picking up branches, I noticed the ornamental grass on the side of the house.  It reminded me of a very funny story about your PawPaw….

PawPaw had planted some ornamental grassy bushes next to the house.  They grew tall and were quite lovely. (The picture above shows them dried out & brown from winter. Normally they are bright and green).
Like most plants they needed trimmed.  Normally, he would grab some cutters and get to it.  But, he had been on chemo for quite some time. The treatments had weakened his body and he just wasn’t feeling up to trimming.

Chemo had not only affected his body.  He had what many people call, “chemo brain”.
This is the term given for the mental fog many cancer patients experience during and after treatments.

Chemo brain would pop up at random times and in random situations.
Sometimes he would ask the same question three times.
Sometimes he would get confused and not remember something from earlier in the day.
And sometimes he would decide instead of trimming the bushes with cutters, he would trim them with fire.

So he did.

His intent was to burn them down just a bit.  When the bushes reached his desired height, he would put out the fire, go inside and take a well deserved nap.

The bushes, which were planted very close to the side of the house, did burn. However, they did not stick to the plan. Like most rebellious ornamental grasses they quickly decided they wouldn’t be the only things on fire.

He was able to put out the flames which were quickly growing on the bushes and the house.  But not before a portion of the siding on the house melted.

He quickly called his brother for help.  They removed the melted siding and put up new siding. (You may be wondering how he got new siding so quickly.  He had extra in his garage.  He had everything in his garage, and I do mean everything.)

I can just hear him saying a very common phrase, “Don’t tell Jo!”

All seemed well and good. He had successfully “trimmed” the bushes and they were quickly replacing the melted siding before JoJo came home from work.

Only JoJo came home early from work. As she pulled up to the house she wondered what was going on.  Melted siding strewn in the yard. New siding only halfway up on the house.  Lots of charred bushes and a very odd, burnt smell filling the air.
The conversation went something like this….

JoJo– “Uh…Don, what are you doing? Why is our siding melted?”
PawPaw-“uhhhh…..”
*insert nervous laughter from his brother & the other friends helping
JoJo– “Did you catch the house on fire? What were you thinking?”
PawPaw– “I didn’t know the fire would get so big.”
Gary (dad’s brother)- “He was trying to be like Moses at the burning bush, talking to God.”
*insert more nervous laughter from PawPaw & his brother
JoJo– “Well he better be talking to God because he’s in big trouble.”
*insert more laughter from PawPaw & his brother
*also imagine JoJo walking into the house very upset & not talking to him the rest of the night

PawPaw knew the bushes needed a trim. He also knew he was too weak to cut them.
So he improvised.
Kids, there will be times in your life you will feel too weak, or perhaps inadequate to accomplish something.  I hope you are like PawPaw and improvise.

PawPaw didn’t know the fire would get so big. His attempt to trim those bushes didn’t go as planned, so he called for help.
There will be times your plans will not go accordingly either.  I hope you are like PawPaw and know when to call for help.

PawPaw knew he had made a mess of things.  He also knew how to find the laughter in the mess. I hope you are like PawPaw and can laugh at your mistakes.

Though I certainly hope neither one of you burn any part of our home…