Snow days, small steps, and the struggle

School was cancelled four out of the five days this week because of the weather.

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Snow days used to make me cringe.  One reason is because roads are usually icy, which makes driving dangerous and scary. Even if I were brave enough to venture out on the roads, the temperature is so ridiculously cold I don’t want to go anywhere for fear my bottom will freeze right off.

The main reason I despise snow days is because on a warm spring day we have to make up the snow day.
Of course every make up snow day is sunny.
And beautiful.
And birds are chirping.
And the kids are crazy.
And in the middle of a math lesson, I scan the room and realize no one is listening.
Not. One. Student.
They are all too busy staring at the squirrel climbing the tree outside our classroom window. As if they have never seen a squirrel until today.

But my feelings about snow days have changed since I had you.  They no longer mean a cold day at home and a make up day in the spring.  This week I was able to steal extra cuddles and read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom 128 times (it’s currently your favorite). We stayed in our jammies all day and danced in the living room.

On Tuesday I watched you stand up on your own.  On Wednesday I watched you take 2 timid steps (unassisted!) to the couch.  Then 4 steps to the ottoman.  On Thursday you walked 8 steps by yourself to me.  Yes, 8 exactly.  I counted them.  Which is pretty amazing considering I was waving my hands like a crazy person and yelling “Yaaaaaay! Big girl! Big girl!  Oh my goodness!”

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You also attempted to say “balloon” this week. Which was So.Stinking.Cute.  My jaws hurt from smiling so much!  JoJo had a balloon at her house and you were completely amazed.  Of course your pronunciation was slightly different from mine.  More like “buh-luh”, or “blu-blu”.  But I knew you were trying so my mommy heart AND teacher heart swelled at the same time.

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Being able to spend extra time with you this week has been wonderful.  It makes me want to find a part-time job so I can share even more memories with you (and little brother when he arrives).  I’ve wanted to cut my hours since you were born.  But teachers can’t exactly work part-time.

“Sorry kids, you won’t be learning how to add double digits today.  Mrs. Doyle isn’t coming to school until Wednesday.”

I have to decide if I’m going to continue working full-time as a teacher, or if I want to aggressively pursue a part-time job.  Working part-time would mean pausing my teaching career indefinitely.  Staying a teacher would mean pushing through the guilt of leaving you each morning and wondering if I’ll miss a milestone.
It’s like a tug of war inside my heart.  The struggle is real.
(Am I the only one singing “The Best of Both Worlds” by Miley Cyrus right now?!)

Teaching is extremely rewarding.  Watching a child learn to read.  Seeing the lightbulb come on during a math lesson.  Feeling the excitement in the air when I tell the kids it’s time for a Science experiment.  It’s like a drug. Only without the addiction, health risks, and possible prison sentence.

It is also very time-consuming.  When my students leave at 3:15 my work is not finished.  There are papers to grade, parents to call, grades to enter into the system. Not to mention I have to lather myself in hand sanitizer to get all the germs of second grade off me.

Being a mother has created a desire in my heart I NEVER thought would happen.  Stay at home mom stuff was for “the others”.  I never wanted to be part of “the others”.  Then you came along and completely rocked my world.  Like teaching, being a mother is extremely rewarding and time-consuming.  But I like it.  I really, really like it.

Even when you throw half your dinner on the floor.  Along with your bib.
And one sock.
And the bowl.
And the spoon.
And they say you’re not supposed to start a sentence with the word “and”.

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So I’m praying and asking God for wisdom and direction.  Who knows what the future will hold?  I could have your little brother and realize teaching is waaay easier than being at home with two littles.  Being outnumbered by small, helpless people is slightly intimidating. Or, I could fall helplessly in love with little man and the desire to be home will increase even more. Thankfully, I have a few months to make a decision.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy my snow days and your small steps.

3 thoughts on “Snow days, small steps, and the struggle

  1. Love love love this!
    Altho you are a mom and a teacher, you’re also a writer!
    Just a thought, you should stay home with your babies and write books!

    Like

  2. As alMistie as always a beautiful piece of writing …. That causes latter and tears 😉 love reading your journey and will Be praying with you …. But one little hint I know teaching is important But the job God has given you is a Blessing of raising another generation up to serve HIM ( so so needed ) wished I would’ve had your upbringing and would’ve been able to have brought mine up in the way of the Lord when they were little ,,,, But God ! There’s always a way with Him ! Love you and your family

    Like

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