Dear son,

It’s 2:35 AM and I am wide awake.  The last time I was up this late I was 13 at a slumber party.  There was dancing, makeup and A LOT of Dr. Pepper.
Tonight there is none of that.

Apparently you are as feisty as your big sister. You tried to follow suit and arrive early.
I started having contractions this past weekend. You are not due for another 6 weeks. Yikes!

As excited as your dad and I are to meet you, we’d like you to “bake” a little longer. My doctor agrees. She put me on bed rest & meds to slow down my contractions.

While this is only my third day of bed rest, I’ve already decided I am not a fan. A little rest & relaxation is wonderful. I enjoy putting my feet up and taking a break throughout the week.  But being forced to sit all day long is not exactly relaxing. In fact, it’s almost tortuous. My obsession with keeping our home clean & tidy makes it very difficult to rest mentally. Not to mention there’s a very cute 16 month old who lives here and specializes in making messes. She doesn’t understand why mommy sits on the couch all day.

Dishes in the sink. Can’t do them.
Neala’s room needs to be vacuumed. Can’t do it.
Leftovers in the frig need to be thrown out. Nope. Can’t do that either.
Neala wants to play outside.  Sorry sis, you’ll just have to look out the window.

The cherry on top of this disappointing sundae is the medicine I’m taking. My Dr. told me it might make me feel jittery. Ok, I can do jittery.  I’m thinking a little hyper and ramped up.  Like when I drank a ton of Dr. Pepper at a sleepover when I was 13.

What she should have told me was right after I take it nausea will set in. My heart will start to race and I’ll feel like it’s going to pound right out of my chest. My body will feel as if it’s shaking from the inside out. My cheeks will become flushed and I will have a hot flash that lasts longer than a flash. When I get up to go to the bathroom my head will spin and my hands will tremble.
Jittery is hardly the word I would use.  More like I just smoked a crack pipe.  (FYI- I have never seen or used a crack pipe.  I have no intention of using one.  And if you even remotely think about using any illegal substance your father will have you locked up faster than you can say your abc’s.)

I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a little upset. There was a moment I wanted to throw my hands up to the heavens and ask God, “Why?”
“Didn’t I meet my quota for unpleasant things earlier this year?”

But it only lasted a moment.  I quickly reminded myself it could be much, much worse.

So instead, I choose thankfulness.
I choose to see the good in all this.
I choose joy. Even when it doesn’t choose me.

There is an African proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I’d like to modify it to say, “It takes a village to help a mama on bedrest.”
I could not do life right now without my village people.

Of course your dad has been extremely helpful, but he still has to go to work.  So during the day Mom, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Kimi & Morgan are helping me take care of Neala.  Ellie came over today and swept my floors, washed my dishes, and ran an errand for me. I am blessed to work with some fabulous teachers. They are tying up loose ends for me at school and helping my sub, who also happens to be amazing.

Many friends have called or texted to check on me, ask if I need anything, or just to tell me they’re praying. It fills my heart to the top knowing people care.

The bible says in Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.”

I choose to believe God is still in control.  If he sculpted you out of nothing, and made you bit by bit, then I have to believe He has already scheduled when you will arrive.  It may not exactly be the time I would choose, but that’s alright.
I choose to be grateful for the friends and family who love me and have helped us so much already.

What’s great about all this is, all these people don’t just love me.  They love you too.  My village people are your village people.  They haven’t even met you, yet they already love you to pieces.

So bedrest wouldn’t be my first choice.  But it’s my reality.  If I have to take a medicine that makes me feel like a crack addict, I will do it.  If I have to sit humbly on my couch all day and watch other people take care of my daughter and my home, I will.
Aunt Lisa said it best today, “It’s better to watch us take care of things here, than to watch nurses take care of your baby in the NICU.”

I’m hoping you “bake” a little longer.
I’m hoping when you are born you are healthy and whole and there are no complications.
I’m also hoping your father caves in for once in his life and lets me name you the name I like best.

A little hope never hurt anyone…   😉