Aside

Plans

Dear Emerson and Jackson,

It was a Monday in October. I went to the doctor expecting a normal ultrasound.
But when I looked at the screen, normal went out the window.
“There’s TWO?!”, I screamed.
The ultrasound tech tried to calm me down, but it was too late.  Crocodile tears shot out of my eyes and I felt my heart beating faster and faster.

The tech stepped out to get my nurse. My thoughts were swirling and I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs. Lincoln was only five months old. We had just moved to a smaller house so I could work part time. How on earth could there be two? The pregnancy was unexpected, but a twin pregnancy was definitely not in our plans.

The nurse tried her best to calm me down, but the tears wouldn’t stop. To say I felt overwhelmed is an understatement.

When my doctor came in, we talked about due dates and risk factors that accompany twin pregnancies and women at advanced maternal age (aka: old ladies). The tech had to go get another box of tissues because I had emptied hers.

Then my doctor said something and the atmosphere changed.
She said, “Baby B’s sack looks fine, but Baby A looks irregular. I want you to come back in two weeks to make sure Baby A is still viable.”
(Viable- capable of surviving or living successfully, especially under particular environmental conditions.)

In three seconds, my attitude and emotions flipped. Instead of thinking, “Two babies are not part of my plan.”, I began hoping and praying for those two babies to make it.

The next two weeks were a blur.
I worried. Then I tried not to worry.
I prayed I would accept God’s will. Then I begged God to let Baby A survive.
I made a secret Pinterest board  with adorable twin pictures. Then I cried because I wasn’t certain I would need this board.

The ultrasound two weeks later showed Baby A strong and growing. We would find out later Baby A was a girl.  Emmy, you gave mama quite a scare on Day 1!

Today is just another day to you. But today holds great significance for us.
Today you turn one. Today marks 365 days of survival. Not for you two, but for daddy and I. We survived hospital bedrest, an emergency c-section, and NICU.
Throw in total sleep deprivation, reflux, hand-foot-mouth and moving again. All this was just the first three months. We are tired all the time but we love our big, crazy family.

Emmy, you are still making mama nervous. You climb on anything and fear nothing. Spunky and brave, you learn quickly and always want to be in the mix. You have no problems stepping on Jack to get somewhere, and feel no remorse when you grab food off his tray. Patience is not yet in your vocabulary, but when you fake cough or crinkle your nose daddy and I forget how upset we are.

Jack, you are a gentle giant. Relaxed and patient nearly all the time, I can tell already you are a thinker. Cuddling and eating are your favorite things. You prefer to be with people over things and instantly win favor with anyone near. When you smile, sweetness oozes out and for a brief second my heart forgets how much work twins are.

I love you sweet babies. You weren’t in my plan. But I’m so glad you were in God’s.

IMG_3100IMG_4509

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s